i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
