just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize