Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize