ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A+ Viking dick
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
