A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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