so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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