My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
