Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
