Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
