i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
