She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
