So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Boobs are out for the taking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
