I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
