3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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