I'm going to jail i love you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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