Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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