After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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