your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize