You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
