Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
