Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
