i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
