yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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