...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
