My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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