She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
