You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
