He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
