this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
