Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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