i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
