A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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