I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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