a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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