Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
