I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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