Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
