i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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