pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
