we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize