So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize