I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
