P.S. I can't hear my feet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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