Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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