This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
