Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
