so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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