I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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