I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
