and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize