Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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