i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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