She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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