this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
