her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
