the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
