Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
