I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
