It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
