my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish i was in the wii world.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
