he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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