you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
