I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
