so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
