I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
