Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
