Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
