I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
