ugly people sure do ruin things
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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