My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
